Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree


Your branches were so mangy.
Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree,
Your lights made me murdery.

So I threw you out last May when I moved.

Whoopsie. Not the best way to start a post where I’m going to talk about how I’m not a Grinch this year.

But I think every RA patient out there will agree that our diagnosis means we deserve easier things. Like pre-lit trees. Where you don’t have to stretch out miles of lights to find that one dang busted bulb that requires prying with dodgy fingers. Unfortunately, I won’t pay more than $10 for said pre-lit tree I deserve so I won’t own one until the after sales.

And one last rant. Eggnog. Disgusting. Looks like snot. At what point is this a good idea? I like my eggs thoroughly scrambled- would you put vodka and milk on scrambled eggs? Right! So what makes it more appetizing mixed with raw ones? Salmonella nog.

Ok, that’s done now.

It’s no great secret that I struggle at the holidays. It hasn’t always been that way though. Since I’ve expended energy on several blog posts in past years bemoaning Christmas, I thought I’d change it up and give a list of what I’m looking forward to this year.

1. Shitter’s full. (International readers, just curious…does Christmas Vacation have a cult following in your country?)

2. My family always finds some crazy gadget I’ve never even heard of to help me.

3. Truly appreciating Tiny Tim. I feel like I can understand that spirit much more clearly.

4. Transiberian Orchestra.

5. Pumpkin spice coffee and candy cane Hershey kisses.

6. PIE! PECAN! PUMPKIN! Also known as Spirit DMARD’s, right? 😉

7. Christmas cards, even the ones with pretentiously positive family letters.You know who you are…

8. Seeing The Nutcracker and remembering the times I danced to that music in the past. Bittersweet.

9. Making fun of people lip syncing in nationally televised parades. Seriously… PLEASE act like you’re singing your heart out in highly modulated auto tune. It amuses me.

10. Spending time with dear family and friends and knowing that even though sometimes you too make me murdery, you have my back without question or request.

And to keep all the positive balanced with sarcasm, I may compose a rant on holiday vehicle decoration titled ‘Just Say No.’

5 responses »

  1. Hee! Yeah, Christmas can be rough on us. I haven’t had a tree (other than a teeny two-foot pre-lit purple sparkly one) for about 3 years and I had to give up hosting a Christmas party because it was too much. With no parties at my house and just my brother and me living there, I can get away with skipping the decorating. My dream, though, is to have my own personal house boy to come in and do all that decorating and cleaning that I can’t do. That would be the best.

    Meanwhile, I do love eggnog, but not the yucky stuff they sell at the supermarket. I try to get some really good organic one at Whole Foods (comes in a glass bottle), or I make my own (it is cooked, so there’s no salmonella issue). The store ones are overly-sweet and have fake color and other crap in them I don’t want to ingest, so it’s worth it to hold out for the good stuff. Besides, I have enough chemicals floating around the bloodstream without adding more on purpose.

  2. Thank you for making me laugh! Few can do that these days!

    My new thing: Avoiding Christmas parties because 99% of the people there say things that I don’t want to hear…like, “Glad to see you’re all better – just in time for the holidays!” (cuz I took your Aunt Juju’s magic elixir that you cornered me about last year), “How are you?” (do you REALLY want to know??), “Are you mad at me? You haven’t called in forever!” (yes, it really IS all about YOU!)….Thank you for allowing me to vent. Just a bit frustrated after trying to wear heels and play nice at husband’s parties!. I wish you the best for the holidays. You damn sure deserve it! ~LWW

  3. I have had a long day promoting my new JRA blog about being “the bionic mom”. My neck is stiff, my back hurts and i know tomorrow my daughter is going to be running around and i’ll be too stiff to play with her. I’m upset because my mom read todays blog (which my producer LOVED and so did everyone else) and all she got out of it was that it looks like she never took me to PT as a kid and didn’t help me with my JRA. I figured the way i wrote it, it went with out saying. I got praised for letting it all out there and saying things i never told anyone in my most personal post today. Now i’m crying because my mom (who i love and couldn’t live without) makes it about her and didn’t say one positive thing about it. I came to your blog to promote mine (my producer said to do this) but all i could do is laugh. Thank you. I am very sarcastic, usually very positive despite ALL my health problems but after a long day and it ending with a “woe is me moment”, you helped me forget about it. Even for a few minutes. You are funny and cracked me up. You are so right. runny eggs? How ’bout just blow your nose and give me the tissue. yummmm. =) Thanks for brightening my night. If you would like to learn more about me or just read my blog, here is the link. http://juliesjrajoint.com/?p=64

    I’d love for you to subscribe and keep in touch. Im raising awareness but also want to help as many people as i can even if its like you did. By making their day a little better. But always taking advice also. Thanks again!

    • Oh Julie, I’m so sorry. I think your mom sounds like mine- overly sensitive to a diagnosis that scares her and maybe a bit defensive at times. I would be upset too if mine had that reaction- I read your post and thought it was very honest and well written. I hope your night gets better!

      • Thanks. That actually made me feel better. People who don’t have the disease really don’t understand and do get defensive at times because they don’t know what to do or say. Thats one reason why I started my blog.I want people who don’t have it to have a little understanding and compassion for those who do. I think it actually helped my husband understand a little better. Thanks for reading and replying. Hope you have a great night too!

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