In the interest of keeping me honest, I will share this with you:
Don’t judge: a gal’s got to have a little fun every now and then, right?
I’m excited to report that since my last jump rope escapade, I have completed my first 5K in four years.
I guess I should admit that it was relay style and that I only ran .7 miles but still: this lady who has struggled in the past to even walk normally ran!
I joined three friends for the Biscuitville Bowl, thrown by my fave restaurant from high school. If you’ve had Biscuitville, you’d know that it’s like Bojangles except BETTER. I highly recommend the butter biscuit and cinnamon apples. YUM. If you haven’t had Biscuitville, I am so so sorry.
Anyway. Each of us ran .7 miles but each leg had an obstacle. In viewing the course, I decided that the buttermilk slip and slide was the better option; other choices included a climbing wall followed by a sweet tea slide (falling hazard) running through tires covered in grits (slipping hazard), or crawling army style through jelly (um no…just no).
I was third and when my friend ran up and handed me the baton, I took off
at NASCAR speed at a respectable pace. As I came upon the inflatable slip and slide, which was like a jump jump with lanes, I saw two ladies holding buckets of buttermilk. As I got closer, I saw them throwing the buckets on the runners in front of me as they ran and jumped to slide.
Immediately I thought OH HELL NO and as I ran to the entrance, I stopped. They readied their buckets and told me to jump as I looked them dead in the face and, like the good team player I am, said ‘you will not throw that on me.’ I jumped and slid maybe three feet, got up and jumped out and guess what? There was no buttermilk thrown on me.
The way I see it, RA patients can try hard but shit gets real if I smell like dairy.
I did still get completely covered in the front but I didn’t have to run the rest of the course with sopping wet milk hair. And believe, everyone else did.
The running wasn’t that bad. Was it as easy as it was 7 years ago? No. But I didn’t hurt and kept it to a moderate pace.
As I ran up the last hill to hand off the baton to my teammate, I saw a very unwelcome surprise. They were spraying us with flour.
I repeat: They were spraying us with flour.
So this RAer who is already nervous about running, who is already tarred in buttermilk, is gonna get feathered in flour?
I think not.
As I approached, I waved my hands and yelled ‘I have contacts in.’ Alas, nobody listened as I ran as fast as I could through the flour haze, eyes clamped firmly closed.
Still, I felt very accomplished when I gave that baton to my friend. My feet were fine, my knees were fine and even though I was covered in a buttermilk/flour paste, I was good.
Today, my butt and abs are screaming at me and I can’t decide if I’m sneezing out pollen or baking products. But my effort has earned me some guilt free goodness and happy thoughts!