I had a bad day the other day and in hopes of lifting my spirits, I went through old text messages from good friends.
Henceforth I give you, the 10 best text messages I’ve received in 2011:
‘My wife is out of town. My kids are out of town. I have no food. Dinner?’
(in response to me inquiring how a bachelorette party went)
‘I am now the only person in the world who has ever face planted on Bourbon St dressed as a princess carrying a metal lunchbox that was so loud it alerted everyone to turn and watch me fall but not help.’
(In response to me texting a friend on my way home from a date and I had to GO NOW)
‘ I have it good authority that guys love incontinent bitches…really, don’t pee yourself.’
‘Hypothetically speaking, on a scale of 1 to 10, how upset would you be if someone were to back into your right rear bumper? I love you, beautiful friend!’
(in response to my text saying can I interest you in a spin class)
‘Can I interest YOU in a colonoscopy?’
‘I can’t wait until they remake Twilight in 20 years with people who can actually act.’
‘I want to sleep with Taylor Lautner except for that whole thing with him being underage. But if I wind up a convicted sex offender, I’d be legally obligated to tell everyone and they would all understand.’
(during a graphic TMI really bad cramp discussion)
‘well, if you’re pregnant and don’t know it and this is really labor, don’t have your baby in a toilet. That’s undignified.’
being forced walking an arthritis walk with me)
‘Exactly how far do I have to walk? What if it rains? I want a tshirt. Can we just show up, get the shirts and then ditch for IHOP? I don’t want you to overdo it.’
‘Yaaay! Bad judgement prevails over common sense yet again! Go team!’
I’m sure most of these are only funny to me, especially because I know the senders and the context.
But hopefully my crazy friends will cheer some of you up like they do for me!