Dogsitting: funny yet not so much fun

Ever so often, I find myself extremely surprised by something I can actually do or something that is challenging. Usually, it is doing something that is unexpectedly easy but this past week, it was something unexpectedly and hysterically challenging.

I say hysterically challenging because it was so funny that I just can’t be upset about it!!

Truth: I have a very sweet cat. She has been indoors her whole life, she sleeps a lot, and she poops in a box. While I may have a bit of a begging situation at play in my house…ok, not begging because Molly has manipulated her way into virtually unlimited treats due to cuteness…and I complain because a few times I’ve barefoot stepped in hairball, she’s very easy to take care of and I swear, she’s kept me sane in this journey!

Anyways, this past week, I’ve been dogsitting for my neighbors’ rottweiler mutt mix. Translation: sweetheart but a super big, rather aggressive, highly neurotic dog who goes through life like she’s been shot out of a cannon on red bull.

Oh. My. God.

For starters, before I can even take her out on her walk, I have to get in the house. The key is stiff and with my swollen fingers, she unfortunately has ample time to FREAK THE EFF OUT about the blond intruder. As soon as I get the door open, she recognizes me and FREAKS THE EFF OUT realizing that she’s going outside. And did I mention that she’s a jumper? Oh yeah…hurls 80 ish pounds straight at you to show her enthusiasm.

Dude. Can’t you just sniff my crotch?

Getting the harness on her is like trying to lasso a bull on crack greased in Crisco with a rope that has little parts you have to get just so. I have begged, pleaded, and yelled: hold still!

And then I don’t take her on a walk. Nope. She drags me. Girlfriend prefers a pace where I’m half running. It was fun tonight in Uggz on wet leaves; I felt like I was water skiing! So fun for the arthritis patient terrified of falling!

Twice, we have seen rabbits.

Rabbits.

Imagine being drug through the yard at night, slipping and running and scared of falling, just trying to keep up with this huge dog while wrapping the leash around one wrist and keeping a firm hold on the lower part with the other hand. And then…being unexpectedly and forcibly yanked in another darker direction. Rope burn!

Seriously rabbits. Let’s work together. You don’t want to be eaten just like I don’t want to fall or suffer whiplash. Surely we can come to an agreement!

When the walk is over and I try to leave, I have to back out and kinda block the door. Because oh yes, girlfriend is a darter. And when she darts, she doesn’t run out and leisurely walk the backyard.

Nope, she’s all MLK ‘free at last’ and in my assessment, if you lose the dog you’re dogsitting, you have failed miserably at said task.

I did check and just in case, she’s microchipped so I wouldn’t have to pull a Meet The Parents.

Nope, while I will be spending two more days dogsitting, I will not have to paint any dogs. SCORE.