So, in a long overdue blog update, I thought I’d post the contract that I typed and posted on my fridge. After posting and thinking about how I do so well with goals at work, I completely dorked out and wrote something similar to what I work with all day, everyday.
Initially, it was to begin on Jan 1st but I spent the first two weeks of the year cheating and tweaking and learning how to cook. Yes, you read that last part right. I can now make the following paleo style: chicken marsala, roasted veggies, braised cabbage, greek chicken, stewed apples, and fajitas served on lettuce rather than a flour tortilla. And you know…the first time I made roasted veggies, I went back for SECONDS because they were GOOD. Any of you who have ever fell victim to my culinary inexperience would know that this is a definite first!
So, I tried and am learning and thought I’d restart the contract on a date more meaningful to me: January 15th, my diagnosis anniversary date.
2011 Wellness Contract also known as
Operation Get Your Sh*t Together
This contract is made between yourself (an individual, referred to as AJ) and yourself (an individual referred to as AJ) and will commence on January 15, 2011 for a period of thirty (30) days and can be renewed with negotiation on both parties after each thirty (30) day period. Neither individual can hold the other liable for any results or lack thereof resulting from actions defined in this contract.
The purpose of this contract is to establish certain desirable behaviors that may or may not directly influence AJ’s health or well-being and overall standard of living. Behaviors include the following:
Medications: AJ must take all medications as prescribed for the next thirty (30) days. It is not acceptable for AJ to skip medication for the following reasons: desiring alcoholic beverages, sheer laziness, or not wanting to have an upset stomach.
- Medications, specifically methotrexate, may be skipped if AJ is battling a cold or other illness or has been exposed to communicable diseases.
- AJ is granted an exception to methotrexate for a week involving any air travel but must resume methotrexate as soon as air travel is complete.
- If medication is forgotten and not missed because AJ doesn’t feel like getting her lazy self out of bed, it must be taken as soon as remembered.
Diet: AJ must try to eat in accordance with Paleo Diet guidelines. This includes avoiding the following: Starbucks, Jason’s Deli, and any sort of buffet/meat and three dining preferred by AJ.
- Exceptions may be made for work functions where there are no other options AFTER AJ has attempted to find something that falls within Paleo guidelines.
- Starbucks may be substituted with coffee from a coffeemaker and rice or almond milk may be added for flavoring purposes.
Alcohol: AJ is allowed three (3) glasses of red wine per week. Each glass of red wine must be accompanied by healthy food and a full glass of water.
- A glass of wine is defined as a NORMAL wine glass around 4-6 ounces, not a big gulp, big nasty, or anything with the words big, super sized, or fishbowl attached to it.
- No, seriously. 4-6 ounces.
- Topping off a normal wine glass continuously DOES NOT constitute one glass of wine, even if AJ may typically consider it one continuous glass. Each top off constitutes a new serving.
Exercise and Cleanliness: Each night, AJ must either go to the gym for 30 minutes of light impact cardio, a yoga class, or, if neither option is available or if AJ is unable to go, something at home must be cleaned.
- Light impact cardio is defined as thirty (30) minutes on a machine, walking in the neighborhood, or taking a class.
- Light cardio is NOT spending thirty (30) minutes watching hot guys playing basketball at the gym while “waiting” on a machine to become available no matter how much this affects AJ’s heart rate.
- Yoga classes must be completed. Also, it is unacceptable to attend a yoga class after consuming one (1) or more glasses of weekly red wine.
- AJ is not to be that creepy girl in yoga class who reeks of alcohol ever again!
- If neither yoga nor gym attendance are options, AJ must clean something at her place of residence (address omitted).
- AJ must clean whatever is most pressing.
- It is unacceptable to stall on a chore while waiting for another chore to be done. IE AJ will never, ever, ever again put off folding two (2) weeks worth of laundry because she was waiting on herself to make her own bed…for two (2) days.
Miscellaneous, also related to cleanliness: AJ will put things up in their proper places at the proper time.
1. Coats: are hung in the closet by the door, not on chairs or floors.
2. Laundry: belongs in the hamper, not on the floor next to the hamper.
3. Toilet paper rolls: are deposited in the trashcan and new rolls are placed in the holder, not on the floor next to empty rolls.
4. You get the picture: clean up your crap!!!!
At the conclusion of each thirty (30) period, contract will be reviewed and, if determined that AJ is TRYING (not perfect), AJ will be rewarded with a manicure and pedicure at salon of choice as long as price does not exceed thirty (30) dollars.
Contract may also be modified if necessary and renewed for consecutive thirty (30) day periods.
If it is determined that AJ is not trying, AJ will have to publicly acknowledge not trying on blog and to friends and coworkers.
Off to dream about pretty fingers and toes in a month…