Whining Moratorium

I looked back at the past few posts and got a little mad at myself.  So I’m making a rule for my posts for the next few weeks: PUT ON YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES, AJ, AND STOP WHINING.

Yes, I don’t feel wonderful but no, life doesn’t suck completely.  Or at all, for that matter. I’m getting on my own nerves so I would gander it’s fair to say that you don’t want to hear it either.  And it’s definitely not productive. So to commemorate the beginning of my blog attitude adjustment, I will tell you some good things that have happened the past few days and not dwell on how bad I may or may not be feeling.

I got to spend a lot of quality time with my favorite “caretaker.”

People who don’t know me well don’t know that she is MUCH more than ‘just a cat’ to me.  If I’m sad or upset or just not feeling great, she’s right there by me as pictured above.  She’s also right there by me if there is anything fleece involved. LOL.

I figured out how to connect my laptop with my TV and then how to stream Netflix on my laptop.  So I’ll hook it up, lay down with my favorite fleece blanket, cuddle up with my favorite cat and relax the day away.

Things at work are going really well.  I hit the highest I’ve ever produced (at this job) this last month (which I hope is indicative of the economy trending in general but we’ll see) and got a nice bonus check.  I’ve been obsessing over getting a grill and found one on clearance for $70.

Once I had it home, I realized I had to put it together.

Estimated time to assemble: 1.5 hours.

Time it took me to assemble: Let’s just round it out to 7 hours.

I suck at following directions.  You know how the joke is that men don’t read maps?  Well, Amanda don’t read directions.  At least when it comes to assembly.  It should be, afterall,  easy because you know what the final product is supposed to look like, right?

The actual screwing itself was slow going. (THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID. Sorry, cabin fever has turned me into part adolescent boy.) I had to take breaks because my wrist was sore and had to use a wrench to hold pieces together because my fingers couldn’t. Then I realized I had put several pieces on backwards and had to backtrack.  Somehow, during the disassembly and reassembly process, the whole box of screws and flanges oddly managed to fly across the room.

I have no absolutely no clue how that happened.  A ghost?  The cat? A Hogwarts spell gone bad?

In all honesty, it kinda became one of those ‘for the principle of it’ things.  By God I’m putting this damn grill together, I don’t care how long it takes me, I don’t care how bad it hurts, it’s just got to happen.

And well….

It’s a grill!

And have I mentioned that the tomatoes I’ve been growing out here are also looking good?

I went today to watch one of my friends compete in her first kayaking competition.  It was ridiculously hot and I was wiped out by the time I got to the section where they were play-boating at.  I have good friends who try to take care of me without outright saying that they’re trying to take care of me: there was an extra chair, sunscreen and an unlimited supply of Gatorades waiting on me.  Very fun and very sweet!

So all in all, a good weekend even though I’m not at 100%.  I go back to the rheumatologist tomorrow and then am heading to the lake with some friends for a long relaxing holiday weekend.

A New One For Those Keeping Tally

Excuse the language.  Or if it bothers you, just skip this entry. I’m still a little upset.

“No, I don’t run anymore because I have Rheumatoid Arthritis.”

Momentary awkward pause while his hot little brain mulled this tidbit over.

“But…but…but you’re so pretty…”

Blink.

Swallow.

Vein twitch.

ARE YOU A F*CKING IDIOT?

At what point do you think that something like that would affect me having or not having RA or anything else for that matter?

Do you think immune systems ‘immuno-select’ who gets these things based on how people look or how much is in a bank account or what their last name is?

DID YOU FALL AND HIT YOUR HEAD ON CONCRETE?

That argument has just as much validity as you being very honest and telling me that “I’m dumb as a brick” and me responding with a whiny “but you look like an Abercrombie model.”

And what do I say to something like that? Um, thanks?  I think?

That’s almost as offensive as telling someone who’s lost 2 pounds that they look “SO MUCH BETTER.”

Really?

I mean  SERIOUSLY?

Seriously?

Can you at least follow it up with a well placed question like maybe ask me what RA is?  Anything? I realize that would ask an awful lot of the gerbil running the wheel in your head but just leaving it at that and then uncomfortably staring at me makes you look like Lord of the Douche, getting ready to do a little jig for me, and makes me feel awful about myself.

Yes, I know Mom.  I know I am being rude here.  You’re right- I was raised better than that.  No, please don’t give me the guilt trippy “I’ve raised horrible children” speech.  You’ve made that point numerous times in my life and I forgive you for making me so mean sometimes.  (I kid.) Yes, I will make sure to let everyone know that you sent me to Cotillion.  Twice.  Yes, I know it was expensive and I’m not entirely sure it was money well spent. Yes, I think you’re right that  maybe his parents didn’t send him because maybe (gasp) they didn’t think it was important.

I’d like to point out that it is YOUR daughter here, valedictorian of Cotillion, who is posting f-bombs online.

But seriously, “you’re so pretty?”

You’ve got to be kidding me.

Tequila is gluten free.

So yes, that’s pretty much my big take away from the weekend that started early Saturday morning with a shot of Toradol in my ass.  We’ll get to that in a moment….

Have you seen the movie Mean Girls?  It’s one of my favorite movies- snarky, hilarious and very well written (in my opinion).  If you haven’t seen it, in one of the plot lines, Cady is trying to sabotage Regina by telling her she should go on an all carb diet to lose weight.  Regina, not the brightest crayon in the box, keeps holding up items of food and asking “is butter a carb?” or “is bread a carb?”

So yes, that’s kind of how I feel right now grocery shopping.  It’s taking me forever and I literally read every package to see if it’s gluten free or not.  If I can’t tell by packaging, I whip out my trusty Blackberry and google “is rice gluten free?” I’m sure it’s pretty funny if you see it in action- me staring with a vacant, blank, confused stare intently at what is for most people a very simple package of food.  I’m sure it’s even funnier if you know much about my cooking style which I’m pretty sure I’ve alluded to here on multiple occasions.

Welcome to my home.  Allow me to heat you a wonderfully fresh gourmet Lean Cuisine.

But I’m slowly getting there.  I’m still cheating…but not as much…and have found a couple of things I really like.  I’ve found some items that are gluten free that really surprised me- TEQUILA and rice.  I even made a delicious Lentil casserole tonight.  And with that statement, somewhere, somehow, an angel got its wings.

I was being overly ambitious thinking I could go gluten and dairy free at the same time.  In fact, that’s what I was cheating with most often (I sprinkle a little bit of cheese everywhere- feta on eggs, cheddar on salads etc- and the soy cheese was awful.)  So I’m going back to baby steps- gluten free first.

So, about that shot in the ass….

I’ve give you the short version for now.

-  I went to a friend’s 30th birthday party on Friday night.  I rested all week for it, bought a new dress, and was really excited.

- Friday am, in true RA form, after a few days of feeling a little bit better, RA decided to make things more interesting.

- Things were so interesting Friday night midway through dinner that I left early.  I am still embarrassed- I tried to leave quietly but everyone asked why I was leaving and I had to give a bit more info than I wanted to at that time, especially to people who for the most part I don’t know.

- Saturday morning I woke up and things RA wise felt curiously differently.  By curiously different I mean REALLY EFFING AWFUL.  I wound up going to Urgent Care in tears, getting a shot of Toradol and prescriptions for another Medrol pack and Vicodin.

If I ever have children, they will be named Toradol and Vicodin.  For real.

That afternoon my neighbor, who witnessed my early morning emotional breakdown in the parking lot, came over to check on me.

Neighbor: So, how ya feeling Rockstar?

Me: A little better. Tired.  Sore.

Neighbor:  (chuckling) You must’ve had quite a night.

Me: (annoyed stare)

Neighbor: Ok, if you don’t want to talk about it…was it that bad?  Was he old or was he just not hot?

Me: (finally getting what she thought had happened) No, I was not drunk.  No, I was not walk of shaming home in tears.

I appreciate that though.  That’s awesome.

I would really like for my insurance company to hurry the heck up and approve this new medication.  Like immediately.

Trees and Fingers

I’m changing some things on my page (nothing major, just playing with it) and I uploaded a new header picture.  I’m a little sad that I can’t get more of the image in any of the headers so I wanted to explain why I love that picture so much.

I took this picture a year ago yesterday.  My friend and I who were both moving from Greenville, SC spent a day taking pictures around town of all of our favorite places that we would miss.  It was a blast and you can read about it here.

One of my favorite places to go there was Falls Park.  It is truly a feat of city planning- they torn down a bridge that used to cover waterfalls right in the middle of downtown, torn down several abandoned buildings also surrounding, and it completely transformed the downtown landscape.  If you build it, they will come: it changed the downtown from kind of seedy to thriving with outdoor dining, free productions of Shakespeare in the summer, art galleries, and tons of activities year round.  

Anyway, surrounding the park are several older neighborhoods with gigantic, beautiful oak trees.  All of the trees are towering and lovely but this tree is truly my favorite.  It is growing on the side of the bank with all of its gnarled roots completely exposed.  Years ago, it reminded me of a Picasso painting.  Once diagnosed, it reminded me of gnarled “RA fingers.”

I love how Picasso can take a normal image and distort it, warp, and layer it so it no longer looks normal or anything like the first image but still contains definitive elements of the normal image.  It fascinates me.  No, I’ve never liked “pretty art.”  So, I thought I was being all profound by seeing RA fingers in the roots of this tree.  Can you see it too?

I think it’s fascinating.

And then I was reading about the park online and saw a picture of the tree in said article.  The caption mentioned how so many people are so taken with this tree because despite its gnarled fully exposed root structure, the tree still thrives on the surface.

And that really spoke to me. That I thought was pretty dang cool.

Trying and failing to not to take things personally

I limped in to Starbucks this morning to get my usual coffee and it was a bit more crowded than usual.  I was talking to my boss while I ordered and realized at some point after I told her to ‘hold on’ that I was getting some weird looks because I had my bluetooth in and my hair down.  So it totally looked like I was having a conversation with myself…and answering…and telling myself to wait so that I could order. 

What struck me as strange is that I couldn’t care less that it appeared to many people that I was chatting with the voices in my head. Nope, I was more concerned that they saw me limping.

Lately, I’ve been a little down and out on myself.  Having RA sucks and when you over-analyze things like I tend to do, you make life a whole heck of a lot harder for yourself than it should be.  

This past weekend, I went to my cousin’s wedding.  It took place in Virginia, on the banks of the Shenandoah, and she was beyond beautiful.  

Getting there was a challenge.  I’ve been traveling a TON lately and my RA is not as well controlled as I would like it to be.  I feel lousy. I tell you that because I’m hoping it’s because I’m burning the candle at both ends right now and that it will start behaving again. Like immediately.

Anyway, I only agreed to go to this wedding because I understood it to be a 4 hour drive.

It was a 7 hour drive.  One way.

You should probably also know that I refuse to watch wedding shows and romantic comedies.  Thank you recent heartbreaks.  And that I have avoided a lot of family events in recent years for other reasons.  And that I absolutely cannot stand the thought of anyone in my family noticing any sort of symptoms of RA in me or (gasp) commenting on them.  

So when I arrived at the hotel on Saturday, I sent my hot mess of a self to my room and took full advantage of the whirlpool tub.  It helped considerably both with making me more comfortable and calming me down.  

I arrived at the wedding site with my parents and brother.  Even though I was uncomfortable, I wore heels the whole time with no noticeable limping. 

And then the reception started.

There was really only one comment but it was enough to tick me off for the next three days. I expected a comment about marriage to which I had crafted a catch all response that was very truthful but didn’t give away much and would help me transition the conversation to ANYTHING else.  

But this is what I got:

“So, where’s your boyfriend?”  

“Oh, that was done awhile ago.”

“So where’s the new one?”

“There’s not one right now.  I’m just really focusing on getting myself together and that’ll come when it comes.”  Like it?  I thought it was good?

“You know, physiologically, the best age to have children is at age 19.”

“You know, I think they frown on that nowadays.”

“How old are you?”

“30.”

“Ohhhhhhhh…….”

My sweet grandmother jumped in and redirected the conversation right before I could respond with “so, how is your terminal cancer treating you?”

I stayed for probably another hour, fuming mad the whole time.  When I got back to the hotel, I took another bath and then dreamt about a boy I don’t need to be dreaming about.  And again last night.  And got emails referencing him yesterday and today.  WHAT IN THE WORLD.

He never actually said anything about my RA specifically.

And I have no way of knowing if said family member knows about my RA.  No idea.  He obviously didn’t know I was single.  Which leads me to believe that I’m not high on the family gossip hierarchy.  Which is awesome.  I also have no way of knowing if I would’ve been upset if he hadn’t said that in a way that I could easily link back to my health.  You can probably tell what I tacked on to the end of his sentence.

Thanks to the powers of my analytical skills, I felt like he threw it in my face which I am positive was not his intention.  He’s always been very blunt and not terribly PC but he’s never been malicious. 

I guess I need to get a better deflector statement and I need to have a serious talk with RA: it’s not all about you!

But it still hurts.

I’m tired.

I’ve had a go go go past few weeks.

I have:

-Spent a week in CA for work. Going to bed at midnight CA time but waking up automatically at 645 NC time does not make RA happy.

-Drank too much tequila my last night in CA and flew back to NC with an extreme hangover.

-Hangover plus stiffness from traveling plus lack of sleep=mini flare.

-Slept for two days. Fitfully because random places keep swelling.

-Went to bluegrass festival in the boonies.  Was the only ‘non-hippie’ there. LOL.  Was made to stand in the back of the bus on ride back to parking area.To quote my friend, “how do you feel being made to stand not just in the back of the bus, but in the back of THIS bus?”  Laughed hysterically and blasted Outkast on the way home. 

-Learned from this situation that even if I’m in a flare, I don’t hurt as bad if I do something I want to do vs something I have to do.  Would this be called selective RA? Ha.

-Hit my highest personal production my office has ever seen.

-Had to deal with some growing pains due to my increased production.  But growing pains because of increased production = good whereas growing pains caused by shrinking production = not good. 

-Stress from high production and growing pains = skipping lunch, not drinking enough water, increased fatigue.  Continued random pains.

-Found out our company’s chief sales officer (who is kind of scary…but very nice in person) would be spending a day with me….the day before she got there….and wanted to go with me on several client appointments. No stress.  While dealing with a mini flare.

-Pulled said appointments out of my rear.  Still not quite sure how I did that with such big prospects and such little notice.  Mini flare became ‘congratulatory flare.’

-Screwed up my Humira injection- it clicked like it normally does when it’s done.  It was not.  Spraying approximately $1200 worth of Humira all over your kitchen is not good for flare.  Or temper.

-Had my direct supervisor in town Monday – Wed this week.  Direct supervisor is a hoot but a horrible driver.  I thankfully did not get carsick.  Again.  Jolting around in a car for three days is not good for mini flare.

This weekend, I head to my cousin’s wedding.  If you don’t sense excitement, you may be correct.  Nothing against my cousin.  I love her and I’m very happy for her. But the last thing I want to do is to spend more time in a car, more time on my feet, making small talk dodging questions about both RA or why I’m still single at a dry wedding with vegan meal options in a barn in the middle of nowhere.  For real.

I need a massage.  And a break. 

Goodnight!

Advocates for Arthritis

Wow. Wow. WOW.

I don’t even know how to catch you all up on everything that’s going on.   I’m exhausted but in a good way. So bear with me if this seems a bit scattered…I have so much to talk about that there is no way I can do it justice.

I really truly feel that the only control I have over my RA is my reaction to it.  I can be negative about it and let it hold me back (and exascerbate my  symptoms) or I can try my hardest to keep my life as close as possible to how it was pre RA.  The second choice is clearly the one that works for me although sometimes I do still have a really hard time with it.  Every once in awhile, I’ll have these identity crises- I know who I was before RA and who I was on track to being without it….so what does this mean to who I am now? 

The easy answer is the same person.  The hard answer is the same person.

I continually search for outlets to mesh the “pre” and the “post” me and I just got back from one of the best RA specific experiences I’ve had to date.

This past Monday and Tuesday, I had the privilege of being a part of the American College of Rheumatology’s Advocates for Arthritis Capitol Hill Fly In.  For those of you who are not familiar with this, it is a non-partisan (ie the only way I was comfortable participating) yearly event where a group of rheumatologists and patient advocates from all over the country jet in to discuss legislative issues that affect rheumatology with their local members of Congress. 

The trip had been on the books for quite some time and it was an absolute circus to be doing this in the midst of “current legislative events.”  Literally, the phones in the offices didn’t stop ringing, people were running in the halls at times, media was everywhere, and it seems like every major health organization was represented up there that day.

Issues that we discussed:  (I’ve linked these to the issue briefs for those interested)

• Supporting the enactment of The Arthritis Prevention, Control, and Cure Act of 2009
• Support Arthritis and Rheumatic Disease Research
• Support Preventive Health Care: Medicare Fracture Prevention and Osteoporosis Testing
• Support Fair Physician Reimbursement: Permanently Fix The SGR
• Ensure Patient Access To Specialty Care: Reinstate Consultation Codes (looking for the link on this one)

Prior to our meetings to prepare us for our Capitol Hill meetings, they had a patient advocate reception.  I wasn’t sure what to expect and was a little nervous at walking into a room full of other patients I didn’t know.  I’ve never been accused of being shy but still, it’s a little intimidating. Also, when I’m nervous I either a. turn in to Rain Man b. chatter and giggle incessantly or c. curse like a sailor.  Please God, do not let me do any of the above.

I did not.

What a diverse group of wonderful people all the patients advocates were!  It was amazing- all ages and many varying levels of disability were represented.  (Not that levels of disability matter at all but coming into this, I was worried that I’d have fatigue issues/feet issues but decided the proper response was to NOT verbalize this fear when I saw that several of the people who were so excited to walk all around the Capitol had walkers…THAT is impressive.)  I love that so many people affected by this are so involved!

By luck, I wound up sitting at a table with Melinda Winner, another RA patient whose website I love to stalk.  She is hysterical and truly inspiring- while dealing with multiple types of arthritis, she still manages to write and promote her cookbook, Cooking With Arthritis, and travel the world doing all sorts of fun things like appearing on the Food Network! 

The rest of the day was spent brainstorming with our teams (generally a patient and several rheumatologists), discussing the issues, and dinner.  I was 100% exhausted but excited for the day to come when I hit the sack at the ripe old hour of 9PM. I’m so young and fun.

Our meetings on Tuesday with members of Congress were eye-opening. There were so many things I hadn’t realized about how our country works.  First, we were prepared ahead of time that most of the staff in these offices would be young, REALLY young.  Knowing that, I still wondered if the gentleman who greeted us in the first office was old enough to drive. (No, I didn’t ask.)  In spite of being so young, they are remarkably well informed and well spoken.  Everyone listened attentively, asked a few questions, and agreed to review the issues we spoke of. 

We were also prepared ahead of time to realize that we weren’t going to change the world in a day.  Meaning that getting them to review the issues or, on a more basic level, understand what rheumatology is, is still a success.  Given that criteria, I feel like our team did a very good job.

Highlights of the day?  Hmmmmmm…..three highlights. 

• First, the made to order pasta bar in the dining room.  FANTASTIC although I did have to tell them to take it easy on the garlic. That could potentially be bad for business!  
• Second, one of our meetings was with the legislative aide for one of our NC Representatives…who just happens to be a childhood friend of mine.  Who I also was on dance team with for years- so someone who knows what I used to be capable of and may understand just a little bit more of what this diagnosis means to me and to other people diagnosed.  I hope I didn’t scare her….
• And third, meeting yet another Representative who has Rheumatoid Arthritis.  I feel good that RA (and other types of arthritis) are beginning to have a “face” where it matters.

So.  What now?

I realize now more than ever how important it is for us to have an accurate image out there- in the media, in magazines, in society, and in government- regardless of what side of the fence that you sit.  I’m still floored and greatly inspired by the number of patients I met who are doing just this.

I plan on keeping in touch with the people I met up there as well as attending next year (if they’ll have me!)  I plan on continuing to volunteer and finding other ways to get involved.

I’m enjoying feeling like the same old me.  Albeit me who is still exhausted and whose feet still really hurt.

Date Night

I bet that caught your attention.  No, not that kind of date.  I will forever remain coy on that subject when it comes to the trusty old Internet.  

But, I did have an all day date Saturday….with my immune system.  Actually, it was a three way date- I brought my joints along too.

Why?  Because I need my immune system to start putting out.  Or rather, if you want to get technical about it, stop putting out.  Or maybe it just needs to put out correctly?!?  Yes, that’s it.  I need to be in an exclusive relationship with my frigging immune system.  Right now, I feel like it’s whoring itself out all around town. So I don’t think that’s too much to ask.  Keep it in your pants, immune system.  GEEZ.

After sleeping in late, “we” got up and enjoyed my new specialty.  An egg white frittata with spinach, tomatoes, and feta cheese.  I was psyched- I’m trying to learn how to cook and I made it all by myself.  And people liked it.  AND NOBODY DIED.  Ok, so just me but still, it’s a start.

Then “we” went to get a massage.  I have a funny story for you here, which actually served as inspiration for calling this day of relaxation a “date.”  I’ve been going to the same place since July- generally going 3 times a month.  It is glorious.  So when I called to schedule my appointment, a new girl answered.  I asked for Saturday morning with the same person I always go to and said my name.  The appointment was confirmed and that was (I thought ) the end of the story. Until I get there Saturday morning.  The same new girl checked me in and handed me the clipboard of paperwork for new patients.  I looked at her, confused, and said “I’ve been going here for months- do I need to do new paperwork?”  She looked at me and said “No, that’s for (my last name).  I don’t think he’s been here before.”  It took a second for it to sink in what had happened.  I started to say “who the heck is….” when it hit me and I laughed so hard that I couldn’t breath.  Folks, she somehow took my first name and last name and booked me a couples massage based off of that.  

Niiiicccceeee.

So, the massage was fantastic (as usual) and next “we” went to the gym.  I showed the joints and the immune system who’s boss by doing 20 minutes of elliptical and then treated them to 15 minutes in the hot tub and 10 minutes in the steam room.  (May I add in here what an experience my gym is- a guy I know calls the men’s locker room at the same gym “the gauntlet” which I never understood until recently.  The reason he calls it the gauntlet holds true in the ladies locker room- everybody walks around naked. And not just “I’m changing my clothes and had nothing on for a split second” but full fledged strutting in birthday suits. WEIRD.) A fruit smoothie later (they called it organic with immune boosting additives but I’m doubtful) and “we” head back to my place to shower and clean up.  

Originally the plan was to end the date here because I had other plans with other folks but “we” were having so much fun that “we” decided to party well into the night together.  Ok, so my plans got shot to heck and I ended up curling up on the couch and watching movies.

It was lovely.

In other news, I finally got in with the rheumatologist.  I’m kinda frustrated.  Instead of presenting new options like I’d asked for , he increased dosages of methotrexate and Humira and told me to discontinue sulfasalazine. I go back in 3 weeks for an injection into the joint as well as a joint aspiration if this doesn’t help.  Can you feel my excitement???  In the confusing-shocking but only to me-not sure what to think of this news, my bloodwork came back (drumroll please) negative for RF.  Hmmmmm.  I’ve always been positive.  So I’m not sure what to think about being negative.  While I can find all sorts of articles explaining patients going from seronegative to seropositive, I cannot find anything on the reverse.  Which makes me feel like a freak of nature, yet again.  He shrugged it off like it was no big deal.  Actually, his exact words were “You still have it- your CCP is elevated and you have symptoms.”  But still….anyone else experience this?

Snow Day

I should be thankful for a quiet few couch days thanks to 2-3 inches of snow.(Which from those of you who have never been to NC, you should know that I’ve actually seen people put chains on tires at mention of a hard frost.  3 inches of snow = complete shutdown.)  

I should be…but I’m not.

I have some serious cabin fever.  I hit a point this morning where I thought “I’ve cleaned and organized everything possible.  Laundry is done. Cat has all new litter and is unwilling recipient of flea treatment. DVR has been watched and cleaned out.  WHAT DO I DO NOW?”

You see, I turned down not one, not two, but THREE things I really wanted to do this weekend because right now I’m still a little fearful for my joints.  Sure, I feel better.  Sure, the meds are working.  But bottom line is that they’re still swollen and thus more susceptible to injury.

I do not like missing out on fun.

So, big fat no to kayak sledding.  Which is exactly what it sounds like.  Sledding.  Down a snowy hill.  In a kayak. (Yes, I realize I’m 30 and entirely too old to do things like this.  In my  defense, I get to play in snow maybe once a year and therefore revert to my inner 8 year old self. An 8 year old girl with a Solo cup.) I foresaw myself crashing in a huge blaze of glory and breaking my fingers.

Another big fat no to going hiking today.  Although this wasn’t as hard of a no as kayak sledding was.  It would’ve involved me getting up entirely too early for a weekend morning.  Again, I saw myself falling and catching myself with my hands.

And finally, a big fat no to simply walking through the neighborhood in the freezing rain that was pelting us.  Which killed me.  I love walking in the snow and ice.  It’s so quiet and peaceful.  If it had been just snow, I would’ve been game.  But it was not.  And yet again, my fear was….slipping and falling.

So, I sat.  Enjoyed the snow from my window and sat on the back steps with my neighbors for awhile.

Maybe we’ll get another snow in a few weeks that I can more fully enjoy.

Happy New Years!!!

I think we’d all agree that 2009 has been a tough year for everyone.  Whether it’s dealing with RA or dealing with the financial crisis or just dealing with life…the stars just didn’t seem to align themselves properly this past year.I mean seriously, last New Year’s Eve, I got food poisoning.  That should’ve given me a heads up…

In my own personal group of friends, we’ve had trying times.  Financial muck, divorces, illnesses, breakups, mother in laws that just need to leave well enough alone, job losses. Nobody seems to be immune. I had a nice long chat with a good friend last night and she mentioned that she felt as though she was in the ocean being dragged by currents and beat up by waves and that she just couldn’t seem to keep her head above water.  She told her mother this and her mother’s response was “but you’re still floating…and the waves will eventually push you back to shore although it might be a little further down the shore from where you started.”  (To which she told me, “yes, until the sharks start attacking.  We really are friends for a reason!!!)

I’ve been mulling it over and I think her analogy and her mother’s comment are the best way to sum up my year too.  I have: sold a house, lost health insurance, had to leave a job because of health insurance, moved, started a new job, been on lots of medicine, been on not much medicine, been back on even more medicine, got promoted, had friend drama, lost several good friends, gained a few new ones, dealt with family issues, started running again, started having problems with my hands again.  Quite an extensive laundry list. Sigh.  And she’s right- everything is different now but different is ok.

I read earlier today that this New Year’s Eve is a blue moon.  A blue moon typically happens every two years- it’s simply two full moons in one month.  But a blue moon on New Year’s Eve is very rare- probably won’t happen again for 20 years.  So, I’m setting my sights on making 2010 awesome in every way possible and am thinking, just maybe, that this is a sign that the stars are finally aligned.  For starters, today I am NOT eating anything that could possibly be undercooked or cross-contaminated.  A tad bit superstitious of me perhaps!

Happy New Year’s to you all- I hope that this new year (and new DECADE) brings you everything you’re looking for!