LOL Gratitude Challenge

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That’s what my friend and I call things that we start with every intention of following through on…and then we just don’t.

LOL give up red wine.

LOL clean my house.

LOL New Years Resolutions.

You get the picture. So yeah…LOL gratitude challenge. I think we can all agree that I’m grateful…so we’ll just move along now.

For me, it’s a mixed reaction when I can’t follow through on things. Things like making a decision to give up Starbucks for Lent only to wind up at Caribou…are amusing. I seriously could be a lawyer with how I allow myself out on technicalities. I find it fairly hilarious and amusing.

But what I don’t find hilarious or amusing is that sometimes I simply can’t follow through on more important things. Can’t follow through isn’t necessarily the most fair statement; more like terrified to commit out of fear of not being able to follow through.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m doing very well right now. Everything is very well controlled by medication and has been for some time. I feel…healthy. It’s a strange feeling and I don’t trust it yet.

Sad, right? But when you’ve had that carpet seriously yanked from under your feet once or twice, it’s a hard thing to trust.

I’m honestly not sure what I’m afraid of committing to right now either.

Is marathon running in my future? Not unless I can take a golf cart.

Will I be selling all my belongings and moving to do humanitarian work in a third world country? Doubtful. I won’t even touch door handles in public restrooms.

Skydiving? I do not understand why anyone would want to jump out of a perfectly good airplane.

But I’m kinda itching to push myself again. To commit to doing something a little out there, a little un-me, a little ‘take this RA and shove it.’ But also safe, clean, and not completely unattainable. Something to help me trust feeling good again.

I’m not quite sure what that will be yet. I’m open to suggestions.

No more LOL Gratitude Challenges. :)

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8 responses »

  1. To your skydiving remark… they jump because the door is open :) If you really want to try something daring, it’s a good one. I’ve done it… best exleration ever. Prior to jumping… I always walked around saying, I will NEVER do that. Plus the adrenline rush is amazing for RA pain. I would say it iis a great natural remedy for the pain (temorarlily) your adreline makes you forget you have it :) I dare you test out that theroy.

  2. I also wanted to say, I hear you on not trusting your body when you feel “normal” or as close to normal as you have been in a long time. I’m at that point. For about 2 years after my diagnosis… never felt relief until this past October. I, like you, am slowly trying things I used to do. Like play my flute, which brings me much satisfaction and joy to me. I was so depressed because of the pain and playing the flute used to be so painful… I quit until, the pain subsided.

    Now, I finally have give RA the finger and told it, you don’t control me any more. I can still do what I love… I may have to wait and rest more, but I can still do it :)

  3. A daily workout at the gym? A brisk walk during lunchtime? Crochet an afghan? You’ve done some pretty amazing things when you were stiff and achy, A. Now, you’re not. How about training for a reasonable 5K run? I’m glad you’re feeling good. Maybe that’s just enough, eh? Enjoy it! :D

  4. I just found your blog through a friend of yours from college…I have had RA for 5 years, since my oldest child was born. I am finally on the right meds (Rituxan and Arava) and am working out again for the first time in years!!!! Although I hate the pain you have experienced and can totally relate, it is so nice to know I am not the only one dealing with this almost invisible (besides the swelling) disease. Keep up the good work!

    • Thanks Lisa! Amy mentioned you and I’m glad you’ve found a combo that is working for you. If you ever need anything (questions or even just venting), don’t hesitate to reach out!

  5. Hi there! I just found your blog and wanted to reach out, but can’t find your email address here. If you could, email me when you see this as your experience with RA could be insightful for me. Thanks!

  6. This is a great post and one that many can relate to. I think that often we are looking for that certain something to spark up our life because we are programmed to “have and do” something spectacular, the “you can do it” attitude that may have pushed us into this autoimmune situation we are in now. I used to do the world by noon, and now realize the stress that manifested in my body and mind. Maybe just finding peace in being present in what we currently have is what we are all looking for; that may be true gratitude. xoxo

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