I’d like a reality show please.

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Watching Betty White’s Off Their Rockers leads me to think that we as patients need a similar concept show.

The sick punking the healthy! Calling hilarious attention to all the things we deal with that they simply just don’t get.

After all, I’ve been punked by my immune system. It would be a shame not to pass that sh*t along.

I’ve been outlining my sure to be awkward and cringe inducing reality show concept.

Should it be a vote off like Survivor? The tribe has spoken: you clearly couldn’t hack it like we can. Or a single decision like The Bachelor? I only have one remaining rose and I will be giving it to…me. Because you get to watch and laugh but I am the one who gets to go home with it. I assure you that earns me a rose.

But not to steal anyone’s sparkle (who saw that? Have some dignity! OMG!), I much prefer a good old gag show. Why? Because I’d like karma to point out and fix what I consider are injustices of this disease by making us laugh.

Track with me here.

Pet peeve: athletes. Runners specifically. Because I miss it. How about we commandeer a 5K course and rough it up a bit? Not a mud run with visible obstacles. Better.Make people sprint through a field of cow pies with hidden holes, invisible tree roots and uneven terrain. That is what running is like for me now. A flat surface is scary and unknown…and this one time I twisted my bad ankle because I slipped on a nice wet pile of crap. That really added something to the experience of the ankle twisting.

Pet peeve: RA pharma reps who come in the office wearing sky high heels. Taunting me. How about we install some grated flooring in the lobby and watch them get stuck? Because that’s what high heels are now. I put them on and then can’t go anywhere.

Pet peeve: ‘just take a pill for that.’ Ok, I am obviously not going to recommend drugging anyone. But to understand that feeling of helplessness and frustration and anger, let’s get a gaggle of three year olds. Gaggle defined as 6-10, whatever the mandate is for safe class/daycare size. That should be plenty! We’ll treat them to a lunch of cotton candy and Mountain Dew and let them skip their nap. Then we will hand deliver them to the person who suggests ‘taking an Advil’ to watch for a couple of hours. We’ll pop in to offer helpful, know it all, busy body advice from time after time. ‘You just need to calm them down.’ ‘Its just a child, why can’t you just read them a story?’ And my favorite that I overheard at Target recently ‘Lady, your kid needs to stop crying.’ Throw in some condescending and judgy judgy looks. Maybe a surprise clown or two. I think that would be a fair comparison!

I think I’m onto to something. Now it just needs a name.

6 responses »

  1. How about the husband who says “But you were fine yesterday, why can’t you do anything today?”. then have him spend a week in my body and see how fast he goes, how much energy doesn’t have and having that body hurt and protest.

    How about the doctor who just says you are imagining it – you’re bored and need a hobby or just depressed. Hmmm, a week in my body might be a real reality check!

    I will admit you have a lot more imagination in thinking of ways to hoist them with their own petard than I do. I’d love to see another post along these lines and especially ideas from others who have dealt with such balderdash.

  2. And for the know-it-alls, you know, like the one who lectured me condescendingly in the elevator, telling me that I have RA because I “internalize my emotions”, or the crunchy-granola conspiracy theorist who chastised me for putting all those “nasty chemicals” in my body or how [insert favorite snake oil remedy here] is the only way to “cure” it….. how about a set of math equations where the variables change every 5 minutes and they can’t leave their chairs until they solve them and every wrong answer gets them a rap on the knuckles with a big stick? Then they might just understand the unpredictability of it.

  3. I always imagine RA reality shows… I think someone with RA (or any challenging physical condition) should do Wife Swap to raise awareness about what life is like for us… It would be eye opening!

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