Your branches were so mangy.
Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree,
Your lights made me murdery.
So I threw you out last May when I moved.
Whoopsie. Not the best way to start a post where I’m going to talk about how I’m not a Grinch this year.
But I think every RA patient out there will agree that our diagnosis means we deserve easier things. Like pre-lit trees. Where you don’t have to stretch out miles of lights to find that one dang busted bulb that requires prying with dodgy fingers. Unfortunately, I won’t pay more than $10 for said pre-lit tree I deserve so I won’t own one until the after sales.
And one last rant. Eggnog. Disgusting. Looks like snot. At what point is this a good idea? I like my eggs thoroughly scrambled- would you put vodka and milk on scrambled eggs? Right! So what makes it more appetizing mixed with raw ones? Salmonella nog.
Ok, that’s done now.
It’s no great secret that I struggle at the holidays. It hasn’t always been that way though. Since I’ve expended energy on several blog posts in past years bemoaning Christmas, I thought I’d change it up and give a list of what I’m looking forward to this year.
1. Shitter’s full. (International readers, just curious…does Christmas Vacation have a cult following in your country?)
2. My family always finds some crazy gadget I’ve never even heard of to help me.
3. Truly appreciating Tiny Tim. I feel like I can understand that spirit much more clearly.
4. Transiberian Orchestra.
5. Pumpkin spice coffee and candy cane Hershey kisses.
6. PIE! PECAN! PUMPKIN! Also known as Spirit DMARD’s, right?
7. Christmas cards, even the ones with pretentiously positive family letters.You know who you are…
8. Seeing The Nutcracker and remembering the times I danced to that music in the past. Bittersweet.
9. Making fun of people lip syncing in nationally televised parades. Seriously… PLEASE act like you’re singing your heart out in highly modulated auto tune. It amuses me.
10. Spending time with dear family and friends and knowing that even though sometimes you too make me murdery, you have my back without question or request.
And to keep all the positive balanced with sarcasm, I may compose a rant on holiday vehicle decoration titled ‘Just Say No.’