A little non RA filler that I’ve had on the brain while I continue to ponder other less funny things.
I realize your name is probably something boring like…well, I don’t want to offend so I won’t give any examples. But after two years of frequenting the same coffee shop by my office and intense discussions amongst coworkers, that is what we have dubbed you. You were almost Don Juan and also Seamus but let’s be honest: you’re definitely a Thor.
Because we would all really like to see you dressed as a Viking.
Maybe it is your ridiculously tone and tan body? Maybe it’s your shaggy blond hair that I normally would make fun of, especially because you’re too old for a haircut like that, except that you totally own it? Maybe it’s because I swear to God, you move in slow motion with the facial intensity of an (early 2000) Abercrombie model?
No, I don’t have a thing for Vikings except for Eric on True Blood…but you would make an exceptional Viking.
Thor, on behalf of my whole office, I’d like to thank you for slowly sauntering into the coffee shop every morning, ordering your venti bold, and helping three girls have a better day. I appreciate the fact that you require a good, strong cup of coffee prior to defending humanity from evil. That has to be a weighty job, and certainly explains the brand new BMW 7 series, expensive suits and shoes, flawless skin, and ability to make certain looks and attitudes that would typically have me screaming ‘douchebag’ in my head seem charming.
But do you know what we find most intriguing? In the midst of all of your ‘look,’ when you pay for your coffee every morning, you pull out the oldest, crappiest, beat up mesh wallet commonly found in discount stores and mass retailers. The first time I saw it, I did a doubletake and thought OMG! HE GOT THAT AT TARGET! JUST LIKE ME! Seriously. If it were not for your crappy wallet, we would’ve dismissed you as having no depth without further thought. Upon further reflection, we are convinced that is how you’ve disguised your special hammer. (Innuendo not intended.) And I respect and appreciate that. I really do. (Sarcasm not intended.)
Please don’t think we’re stalking you. You do NOT need to find a new coffee shop, I promise. It’s just that over the course of two years, you’ve become quite intriguing. We wonder where you go and what you do all day… trip to Asgard, lunch with Jane, fighting with Loki…All because of that wallet. We realize that given the city in which we live and the demographics of the neighborhood in which our office is located, it is most likely that you are sitting in a bank. But still…three girls can dream, right?
Thor, on a personal note, you’re not my type. Not even close. I like them tall, lanky, never blond (my dad and brother are blonds…that creeps me out), and quite a bit more casual. But in our obsession with you that revolves around a wallet, I realized that it’s just as mean to stereotype and dismiss someone very good looking as it is to someone notsomuch. Interesting, huh?
Now go save the world with your ratty wallet!