To myself in a flare

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Dear Amanda- In-A-Flare,

Please print this out and carry it with you until your flare subsides.  Just a few observations on your recent behaviors and maybe a few tips to make things easier for you once you’re no longer a whiny b*tch.

-Your home: I know you’re hurting and I know you’re tired but really…it is BAD FOR BUSINESS when it starts to look like an episode of Hoarders.  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, just put the dang clothes in the hamper.  Seriously.  This is only a little bit more effort than the floor and you can actually make it fun- aim for the basket.  SLAM DUNK. *imagined people cheering.*

-Your kitchen: Just because you don’t feel good doesn’t mean that you are suddenly Paula Deen cooking up some comfort food.  Nope, you’re Paula Deen getting hit with the ham….Amanda, you can barely boil water.  So don’t put yourself through the stress of “I think I’d feel better if I made myself some corned beef with veggies” because even on the best day YOU ARE COMPLETELY INCAPABLE OF MAKING CORNED BEEF, then you’ll be upset about it, and then you will leave the dishes in the kitchen for days because you don’t feel like cleaning them up.  And then the ants will get them.

-Showers: these should be taken daily.

-Those comfy sweat pants and the shirt with stains on it: should never be worn outside the home.  Also, should never be worn INSIDE the home if people are coming over.

-Other people who piss you off: for the most part are not doing it on purpose. Please take a deep breath or a quick walk before deciding how to respondto them.  Trust me on this one. Also, there is no conspiracy- never has been and probably never will be- so once and for all let this idea go. And finally, I realize you were really upset when that eighteen wheeler blew a retread on the highway directly in front of you.  I realize that it was scary that you had no room to avoid it and were very lucky that you had to run over it and didn’t damage your car.  HOWEVER, the appropriate response was to just stay put in traffic or pull off at the exit.  NEVER EVER EVER should you furiously dial his safe driver line marked on the back of his truck while speeding up and angrily waving the phone at him so he could see what you’re doing.  Please now go back and read that whole conspiracy bit again.

-Your mom: Should not be snapped at because you’re annoyed that she always says methotrOxate rather than methotrexate.  Seriously, you’re being really petty.  She’s asking about it because she cares and is concerned, remember what we just talked about regarding that whole conspiracy thing? 

-Major life decisions: don’t go there.  Just don’t. 

Keep in mind that while things suck right now that there are a lot of people working hard to get you feeling better.  In a month, this will all be a distant memory.

Feel better,

Amanda-Not-In-A-Flare

16 responses »

  1. I need to print this out! I’m newly dx’d but I have noticed how the flares really turn me into a stark raving b*tch! Not in a flare right now and life is good.

    Thanks for making me smile today! =)

    • Oh yes! I think flares bring out the absolute worst in all of us. I keep waiting for my head to spin and my breath to turn to fire. ;)

  2. I love this, amandajohn. You’re so funny, flare or no flare! And there’s real wisdom in your no-flare-self’s advice.

    All that aside, I really hope this bad flare eases soon. It’s just plain awful to hurt this bad, this continuously. And even though you know that it won’t last forever, that it WILL ease eventually, it’s really hard to remember that when you want nothing more than to cut the offending limb off with a butter knife.

    I’m thinking of you and sending warm comfort-rays in your direction. Be well. Keep smiling. And follow your not-in-a-flare-self’s advice. She’s pretty darned smart.

  3. I have a question , maybe it cant be answered though? On average how often do your flares last and how often do they come ? Are they aggravated by anything , like stress etc ?

    • You know, it varies. It happens typically twice a year but length really varies. For me, its definitely stress related, even if the stress is just burning the candle at both ends. I’ve been really pushing myself the past few months and kinda expected it (I know that sounds awful) but didn’t expect it this bad!

  4. Oh, the recognition! I even snap at my mom because she says “MethALtrexate!”

    And you should see the laundry all over my floor… and the sweatshirt from 1983 (my “comfort clothes”)… and the attempts at making comfort food when I don’t cook… and the lack of showering…

    Thanks for writing this! I feel better now!

    • That makes me feel better too that I’m not the only one who completely stops trying! I swear, its clean now but a few days ago, my home looked ransacked.

  5. Love this. It’s so true! I especially need to remember the bit about the sweat pants and the shirt with the stains on it.

    Feel better soon.

  6. Ha! great post. I can relate. Particularly the clothing on the floor. Mine seems to get piled on a chair and I have to spend 1 day a week sorting through things. Between this post and the frenemy post you made my week. Hope you feel better soon.

  7. The horrible part for me is that my husband is under the mistaken impression that if I’m down and out, that he’s off the hook for all chores too. Our house looks like a disaster zone. The kids are tired of having to visit Mommy in bed. Blah.

    I’m glad I’m not the only one.

  8. This was really needed today. Considering that I spent my lunch staring at my sandwich and crying because I’m feeling overwhelmed…this just hit the spot.

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